Category: Identity Therapy
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Why Men Don’t Go to Therapy
Introduction Most men who sit down in my room didn’t decide to come. Someone made it a condition. A wife who said she couldn’t carry on like this. A GP who asked one question too many. A boss who noticed. Occasionally a brother who said the thing nobody else would say. The man arrives, sits…
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Co-Parenting After Separation: Getting It Right for the Children
Introduction The handover is at five, at the Engen on the corner, because neither of you can face the other’s front door yet. Your daughter gets out with her school bag and a packet of clothes, and in the thirty seconds while she walks from one car to the other, she is watching both of…
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Perimenopause and Your Mental Health: It Isn’t Just Hot Flushes
Introduction You snapped at your daughter over a cereal bowl. Not a raised voice. A proper, disproportionate, where-did-that-come-from snap, over a bowl left in the sink, and you heard yourself doing it. Later you cried in the car outside Pick n Pay for no reason you could name. At 3am you were wide awake, heart…
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Why You Can’t Stop People-Pleasing
Introduction You said yes again. To the fourth committee. To the lift to the airport at half past four in the morning. To the extra bit of work that landed at ten to five on a Friday, from the colleague who always seems to find you. And somewhere between the word leaving your mouth and…
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School Refusal: When Your Child Can’t Face the Gate
Introduction It usually starts with a tummy ache. Sunday night, just after supper. Then again on Monday morning, worse this time, with tears. You keep them home, because what else do you do with a child who says they feel sick? By ten o’clock they’re fine. Bright, even. By Sunday night it’s back. The GP…
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Why Teenagers Don’t Ask for Help
Introduction Almost every parent I’ve sat with after a crisis has said some version of the same sentence. “I had no idea.” They’re not careless parents. They’re attentive, loving people who ate supper with their child every night of the thing they didn’t know was happening. That’s the difficult truth about teenagers and mental health:…
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Be as Kind to Yourself as You Are to Everyone Else
Introduction Think about how you spoke to yourself this week. The email you sent with the typo in the first line. The meeting where you said the wrong thing, which you then replayed at two in the morning. The moment you snapped at your child over nothing, and spent the rest of the evening filing…
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What to Do During a Panic Attack: A Therapist’s Guide
Introduction You’re not dying. It just feels exactly like it. Most people remember their first panic attack the way they’d remember a car accident: where they were, what they were holding, the exact second the floor tilted. The queue at Woolies in Cavendish. The M5 at five o’clock, boxed in on every side. An ordinary…
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Why You Keep Having the Same Relationship
Introduction Different person. Different city, sometimes. Same ending. People notice this eventually, usually somewhere around the third time, and the conclusion they reach is almost always about their taste in partners. If I could just stop choosing this type. It’s rarely the choosing. It’s what happens at a very particular moment: the moment when something…
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Coercive Control: What It Looks Like Before It Looks Like Abuse
Introduction Nobody hit you. That’s usually the sentence underneath it. People arrive in my room apologising for taking up space, because they know what abuse is supposed to look like and this isn’t it. Nothing was broken. Nobody shouted, or at least not often. There was never an incident to point at, and without one…
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What Is Identity Therapy and Who Is It For?
Introduction Nobody books a session asking for identity therapy. They arrive saying some version of “I don’t know who I am anymore”. It comes up after a divorce. After a diagnosis nobody saw coming. After the last child leaves, or a job ends, or a relationship quietly rearranges someone over the course of a decade.…
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Psychological Support for LGBTQI+ Teens in Cape Town: Helping Them Navigate Identity
Introduction So many parents who contact me about this start by apologising for not knowing the right words. You don’t need the right words. You need to be someone your teenager can talk to, which is a lower bar than it feels like, and a far more important one. Psychological support for LGBTQI+ teens –…
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Identity Therapy and Mental Health Support in Cape Town: A Guide for Teens, Parents and Adults
Introduction When counselling somebody in identity therapy, there is a particular sentence I hear a great deal, usually about ten minutes into a first session, usually said apologetically. “I do not really know who I am anymore.” It comes from sixteen-year-olds and it comes from fifty-year-olds. It comes from people who have just left a…
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ADHD: What to Look Out For
Introduction Something has never quite added up. You have always worked harder than everyone else to achieve the same result. You lose track of conversations mid-sentence. Your mind races at night while your body begs for sleep. You start projects with genuine enthusiasm and abandon them without understanding why. You have been called forgetful, scattered,…
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The Anatomy of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) in Adult ADHD
Introduction Have you ever received a piece of feedback, a passing comment, or even a look from someone, and felt your entire world collapse? Not in a dramatic, attention-seeking way. In a private, gut-wrenching way that leaves you questioning your worth, replaying the moment on loop, and withdrawing from the people around you. If you…
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ADHD as a Superpower: Why Neurodiversity Is a Strength, Not a Limitation
Introduction What if the traits we label as “problems” in ADHD are actually signs of a brain built for a different kind of brilliance? What if new science is showing signs of ADHD as a superpower? For decades, ADHD has been framed almost entirely through a lens of deficit: difficulty focusing, impulsive behaviour, restlessness, disorganisation.…
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The Importance of Self-Compassion in Mental Health
Introduction We are often our own harshest critics. When something goes wrong, the inner voice that speaks up first is rarely kind. It tells us we should have known better, that we are not enough, that we deserve the pain. For many people, this self‐critical pattern runs so deep it feels like the truth rather…
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How to Navigate Relationship Challenges with Therapy
Every relationship, no matter how strong, will face challenges. At times, it may feel like you and your partner are speaking different languages – one trying to be heard, the other feeling misunderstood. Conflict, distance, or emotional disconnection can leave both partners feeling frustrated and unsure of how to move forward. As a counsellor, I…
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Breaking Free from Codependency | Finding Your Way Back to Yourself
Case Study: When Love Becomes a Lifeline Names and identifying details have been changed to protect client confidentiality. Sandra, 58, came to therapy after her daughter Leigh, 32, relocated for work to another city and Sandra hadn’t left the house in three weeks. To outsiders, they had always seemed exceptionally close: daily calls, shared finances,…
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When Your Child Carries Something They Can’t Yet Say: a Guide to Supporting Adolescent Trauma Survivors
If your teenager has experienced trauma – whether recently or in the past – you may feel desperate to help them, to reach in and take the pain away. But healing rarely looks like the conversations we imagine. This is what I want you to know before the process begins. I work with young people…
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Understanding the Emotional Needs of Neurodiverse Teens
Neurodiverse teens often experience the world – and their emotions – more intensely than their peers. Feelings can come on quickly, last longer, and feel harder to name or contain. Anxiety, overwhelm, frustration, and isolation are common experiences, especially when teens feel misunderstood or “out of step” with those around them. As parents, it can…
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What to Look for in a Therapist for Your Gifted Teen
Gifted teens often walk a unique path. Their intellectual abilities may set them apart, but it’s their emotional intensity, perfectionism, and social challenges that often require thoughtful support. Finding the right therapist can make all the difference in helping your gifted teen embrace their uniqueness and build resilience. Case Study: Joshua is a 12-year-old boy…
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Trauma Bonds in Relationships: Why They Form and How to Heal
Many people ask themselves why they can’t walk away from relationships that consistently hurt them. The answer often lies in trauma bonds: powerful emotional attachments that keep us tied to someone, even when logic tells us to leave. These bonds are not love in its healthiest form; they are rooted in fear, dependency, and survival…
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Creating Healthy Boundaries After Abuse
When you’ve been abused, one of the hardest – and most important – parts of healing is learning how to set healthy boundaries. Many teens and adults I work with tell me they feel unsure, guilty, or even “selfish” when they try to say no or express their needs. If that sounds familiar, you’re not…
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Dealing with CPTSD After Trauma – Finding Safety, Strength, and Support
Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) can feel exhausting, confusing, and deeply isolating. To add to that confusion, CPTSD has only been formally recognised within the last decade, but it’s very, very real. Unlike a single traumatic event which may trigger PTSD, CPTSD often develops after long-term or repeated trauma – like emotional neglect, ongoing abuse,…
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Unlocking Your Child’s Feelings and Potential Through Play Therapy
As a parent, you want the very best for your children. You want them to feel safe. To feel loved. To feel confident and capable of facing life’s challenges. Yet childhood isn’t always easy. Even when we do everything right, children can experience big emotions, changes, or difficulties. But they don’t yet have the words…
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How Therapy Helps with Anxiety and Depression in Young People
As a specialist counsellor working with young people in Cape Town, I often meet parents who feel helpless watching their children struggle with anxiety and depression. These emotional challenges can be overwhelming – not just for the child, but for the entire family. Whether your child is navigating academic pressure, social stress, or emotional overwhelm,…