Category: Trauma & Relationship Recovery
-
Why Men Don’t Go to Therapy
Introduction Most men who sit down in my room didn’t decide to come. Someone made it a condition. A wife who said she couldn’t carry on like this. A GP who asked one question too many. A boss who noticed. Occasionally a brother who said the thing nobody else would say. The man arrives, sits…
-
Co-Parenting After Separation: Getting It Right for the Children
Introduction The handover is at five, at the Engen on the corner, because neither of you can face the other’s front door yet. Your daughter gets out with her school bag and a packet of clothes, and in the thirty seconds while she walks from one car to the other, she is watching both of…
-
The Loss Nobody Talks About: Miscarriage and Grief
Introduction You were nine weeks. You’d told almost nobody, because that’s the rule, so almost nobody knows there’s anything to be sad about. On Monday you went back to work. Somebody asked how your weekend was and you said fine, thanks, and asked about theirs. There was a scan photo on your phone that you…
-
When One of You Is Autistic: Making a Relationship Work Across Two Wiring Diagrams
Introduction She says he doesn’t listen. He says he listens to every word, and can repeat them back, which somehow makes it worse. He says she never tells him what she wants. She says she tells him constantly, and that she shouldn’t have to spell out that a sigh at the sink at nine o’clock…
-
We Keep Having the Same Argument
What distinguishes the couples who manage from the couples who grind down is whether the problem is in what he calls gridlock or dialogue. Same problem. Completely different experience of living with it.
-
Why You Can’t Stop People-Pleasing
Introduction You said yes again. To the fourth committee. To the lift to the airport at half past four in the morning. To the extra bit of work that landed at ten to five on a Friday, from the colleague who always seems to find you. And somewhere between the word leaving your mouth and…
-
Be as Kind to Yourself as You Are to Everyone Else
Introduction Think about how you spoke to yourself this week. The email you sent with the typo in the first line. The meeting where you said the wrong thing, which you then replayed at two in the morning. The moment you snapped at your child over nothing, and spent the rest of the evening filing…
-
Why You Keep Having the Same Relationship
Introduction Different person. Different city, sometimes. Same ending. People notice this eventually, usually somewhere around the third time, and the conclusion they reach is almost always about their taste in partners. If I could just stop choosing this type. It’s rarely the choosing. It’s what happens at a very particular moment: the moment when something…
-
Coercive Control: What It Looks Like Before It Looks Like Abuse
Introduction Nobody hit you. That’s usually the sentence underneath it. People arrive in my room apologising for taking up space, because they know what abuse is supposed to look like and this isn’t it. Nothing was broken. Nobody shouted, or at least not often. There was never an incident to point at, and without one…
-
What Is Identity Therapy and Who Is It For?
Introduction Nobody books a session asking for identity therapy. They arrive saying some version of “I don’t know who I am anymore”. It comes up after a divorce. After a diagnosis nobody saw coming. After the last child leaves, or a job ends, or a relationship quietly rearranges someone over the course of a decade.…
-
Recovery from Infidelity: Can it Be Fixed? What Healing Asks of Both of You
Introduction You have probably already read the messages more times than you would admit to anyone. You know the dates now. You know which gaps in the diary make sense. You have worked out the weekend it started, and you have gone back through the photographs from that weekend looking at your own face in…
-
Couples Counselling in Cape Town: A Guide for Relationships Under Strain
Introduction Almost nobody books couples counselling early. By the time two people are sitting on my couch, the average couple has been circling the same argument for years. They can predict it. They know exactly which sentence sets it off, exactly who will say what, and exactly how it will end. They have simply lost…
-
Narcissistic Abuse and Trauma Therapy in Cape Town: A Complete Guide
Introduction Most people who come to see me about trauma do not arrive using the word trauma. They arrive saying they are tired. That they cannot seem to trust anyone. That they left two years ago and still cannot work out why they are not over it. That they feel like a different person from…
-
ADHD and Relationships: When Love Isn’t Enough Without Understanding
ADHD in Relationships You love each other. That has never been the question. The question is why the same arguments keep happening, why the small things keep becoming big things, and why one of you always feels like the adult in the room while the other feels like they can never get it right. If…
-
The Anatomy of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) in Adult ADHD
Introduction Have you ever received a piece of feedback, a passing comment, or even a look from someone, and felt your entire world collapse? Not in a dramatic, attention-seeking way. In a private, gut-wrenching way that leaves you questioning your worth, replaying the moment on loop, and withdrawing from the people around you. If you…
-
The Importance of Self-Compassion in Mental Health
Introduction We are often our own harshest critics. When something goes wrong, the inner voice that speaks up first is rarely kind. It tells us we should have known better, that we are not enough, that we deserve the pain. For many people, this self‐critical pattern runs so deep it feels like the truth rather…
-
Healing During and After Divorce: How Therapy Supports Your Journey
Introduction Divorce is often described as one of life’s most stressful transitions. It’s not just the end of a marriage – it’s the unraveling of routines, identities, and dreams once shared. For many, it brings grief, anger, confusion, and fear of the unknown. Therapy offers a safe, structured space to process these emotions, rebuild confidence,…
-
The Role of Communication in Healthy Relationships
In my time in couples counselling, I have come to believe that most relationship difficulties are not really about what couples argue over. They are about how they communicate. Or, more often, how they don’t. Communication is the living thread that runs through every aspect of a relationship. It shapes how safe you feel with…
-
Managing Stress in Relationships
Stress doesn’t just affect individuals – it affects relationships too. Work pressures, financial concerns, family responsibilities, and life transitions can all create strain between partners. When stress in relationships builds, it often shows up as irritability, withdrawal, or conflict, leaving couples feeling disconnected or misunderstood. As a counsellor, I often see couples who care deeply…
-
The Importance of Emotional Intimacy in Marriage
Emotional intimacy is the quiet, steady connection that holds a marriage together. It’s what allows you to feel seen, heard, and understood by your partner – not just in the big moments, but in the everyday details of life. Without emotional intimacy, couples can begin to feel distant, even while living side by side. Conversations…
-
How to Navigate Relationship Challenges with Therapy
Every relationship, no matter how strong, will face challenges. At times, it may feel like you and your partner are speaking different languages – one trying to be heard, the other feeling misunderstood. Conflict, distance, or emotional disconnection can leave both partners feeling frustrated and unsure of how to move forward. As a counsellor, I…
-
Breaking Free from Codependency | Finding Your Way Back to Yourself
Case Study: When Love Becomes a Lifeline Names and identifying details have been changed to protect client confidentiality. Sandra, 58, came to therapy after her daughter Leigh, 32, relocated for work to another city and Sandra hadn’t left the house in three weeks. To outsiders, they had always seemed exceptionally close: daily calls, shared finances,…
-
When Your Child Carries Something They Can’t Yet Say: a Guide to Supporting Adolescent Trauma Survivors
If your teenager has experienced trauma – whether recently or in the past – you may feel desperate to help them, to reach in and take the pain away. But healing rarely looks like the conversations we imagine. This is what I want you to know before the process begins. I work with young people…
-
Trauma Bonds in Relationships: Why They Form and How to Heal
Many people ask themselves why they can’t walk away from relationships that consistently hurt them. The answer often lies in trauma bonds: powerful emotional attachments that keep us tied to someone, even when logic tells us to leave. These bonds are not love in its healthiest form; they are rooted in fear, dependency, and survival…
-
Leaving a Toxic Relationship Safely: A Therapist’s Guide
Discover five therapist approved steps to leave a toxic relationship safely. Build resilience, plan ahead, and reclaim your life with support.
-
Creating Healthy Boundaries After Abuse
When you’ve been abused, one of the hardest – and most important – parts of healing is learning how to set healthy boundaries. Many teens and adults I work with tell me they feel unsure, guilty, or even “selfish” when they try to say no or express their needs. If that sounds familiar, you’re not…
-
Dealing with CPTSD After Trauma – Finding Safety, Strength, and Support
Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) can feel exhausting, confusing, and deeply isolating. To add to that confusion, CPTSD has only been formally recognised within the last decade, but it’s very, very real. Unlike a single traumatic event which may trigger PTSD, CPTSD often develops after long-term or repeated trauma – like emotional neglect, ongoing abuse,…